Friday, August 6, 2010


"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains."

In my mind, as well as many others, the zombie apocalypse is undoubtedly a lethal and upcoming threat. I believe/hope the world will end in 2012, and a plague of the living dead seems the most appropriate way for all of us to go out. Sure, there probably aren't any facts supporting this kind of world destruction, but it's better to be prepared for anything, right?

So bring on the zombies. I'm ready to fuck their world up something hardcore.

I've been reading 'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies' and I really admire the nonchalant way the characters deal with the "unmentionables." It's realistic, at least in my opinion, and so naturally, it has me creating a serious, detailed, zombie-proof plan. I mean sure, anyone worth knowing has a zombie contingency plan; where to go, who to take, what to bring, all that shit. But honestly, I'm pretty certain that some plans are a little too optimistic. So I've taken all that disgusting optimism out of my plan, and used pure facts to save my future self.

The outbreak will occur, no doubt, in some over-populated state/city, because too many people = too many opinions = lack of dictatorship because this country is based on democracy! = terrible decisions about what to do involving something as hideous as the living dead situation = no preventative measures which will result in the death of us all. So, now we're fucked.

My dream zombie would be somewhere in between the crazy fast smart hybrids, and the lumbering mostly mentally challenged pieces of rotten flesh. They would amble swiftly, but they wouldn't be able to run (maybe a slow jog/shuffle). Their instincts would be slightly heightened and they would be more aware of current surroundings. But their memory spans would be pretty short.

Hulett, WY would be my town of choice since yeah, it's in the middle of fucking nowhere. So even if the zombies finally reached us and turned everyone, how hard would killing ~500 people be? I'd have more than enough supplies to support myself and whoever happened to be with me. And even if things got reallyyy bad, we could live off the land, making use of the many wild animals we have in our woods. Ew, which means I'd probably have to start eating meat. Blehhh. Hopefully that won't happen, and hopefully the zombies will come find us and eat everyone so I won't have to deal with living people trying to drink my diet coke, light my flares, and use my machete. I fucking hate sharing.

So yeah, I'm ready. All I need are the ravaging, putrid, disgusting, flesh devouring, poor excuses of what used to be people. Please come entertain me.

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